4 Essential Things To Consider Before You Get Back With Your Ex
August 13, 2015, Senior Editior
Is there ever a good reason to get back with your ex? And why after all should you get them back in your life?
A story like every other you met someone great; you fell in love, became “the ideal couple”, probably got married and even had kids. But things went sour and the relationship was done and dusted with. It was time to take off your wedding rings and go off your different ways; pick up broken pieces and put it back together again. But one fine day not too far off in the future, you bump into him again. He is alone, so are you. You start talking, sparks fly, things rekindle and well other things happen. Before long you ask yourself the question… Should you get back with your ex together?
How many of you have been in this situation? Been there, done that? Did you reconcile with your ex? Did it work out? May be it worked out for some but for others it didn’t. There is no sure shot way to know, right? Not necessarily! There are a few things you might mull over before you decide on anything for sure. One mistake everyone does is not giving a well deserved sensible thought to the question, “why?”
Why would you want to get back with your ex? Why would you want someone back in your life who walked out on you, perhaps cheated on you? Why give another shot to a relationship that already ran its course? To find the right answer to above questions it is important to consider these few essential things:
Break Up Raison D’être:
Was it huge impulsive fights that lead to the break up? Was there cheating involved? Was he to take all the blame? Were you? Will he change his ways? Will you change yours?
If cheating was the reason then it’s a long shot at another chance. Even if you forgive him there is still too much water under the bridge. Will he do it again? Will you be able to forget and forgive him completely? Will it ever get back to how it was? These questions will haunt you for life. So unless you have complete faith in him, that he won’t go back to his old ways and truly wants to be with you, and also if you can forget and overlook his one big slip, it is not advisable to be with him again. You will only end up in a toxic relationship.
Been Separated For Long?
Was it a recent break up or you been separated since a long time? Have you been in an on again and off again relationship for long?
If you haven’t been on the break too long and the reason wasn’t his cheating on you, then you may consider getting back with him for the right reason of wanting to give the relationship another chance. But if a long time has passed since your break up you might as well be meeting a whole new person at a completely new level. We all learn through our mistakes, long passage of time away from each other makes us realize and value every relation, even more the person. It gives us time to consider our reasons for separation, helps us grow through them and makes us independent. May be after this long period things might work out at a much mature level.
It Wasn’t Such A Bumpy Road And Break Up Was A Rash Decision?
No relationship is perfect and minor rifts are bound to happen between two different persons. So if it was an impulsive big fight and rash decision to break up, perhaps some ego clashes and a war zone between hormonal outbursts and excessive testosterone that drove you apart. May be thinking it through, realizing your mistake and amending the situation is a sensible approach. There is no reason for you to stay away from each other if you still have feeling for one another. If you and your ex threw the relationship out of window just because of one big bad rift then you have a window of opportunity to make it all good. Give it a chance; it might be all worth the shot!
Shouldn’t Your Kid Get The Best Of Both Worlds?
It’s no brainer, a separation or a divorce is always toughest on the kids. If you think you can work things out well by getting back, giving another opportunity to your relationship is worth a shot, not only for the kid but also for yourself. But separation is best if it had been a toxic, abusive relationship as nothing can be worst for the child to grow up in such an environment.
It is almost always impossible to make a rational decision immediately after the break up. There is a constant tug of war between the head and the heart; head wants you to think straight alongside pampering your ego while heart throws a tantrum. So it is best to maintain a no contact policy for a few days to have a timeout for yourself and gauze what exactly you want out of the relationship.
Yes, you still might be in love with your ex but if your reasons for wanting to be back is nominal, naïve and completely illegitimate such as:
- I will never find anyone as good as him again.
- I can’t live without her.
- He is the one.
- She was my soul mate.
- It will be better next time.
You might as well be a silly teenager desperate for love. Life doesn’t revolve around that one person. In the rush of love and passion and seeing the world through rose tinted glasses, we often forget to live for ourselves, look for our happiness. Get back together but for giving your relationship a second try and not because “you can’t live without him” or “need him”. So unless you have legitimate reasons to get back with your ex and handle it with much maturity that is needed, it is imperative that you move on.